Good mix template

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See this? This is me dancing for you.

I figured since I was having to deliver the not-so-great news, I should dress it up a little bit. A few graceful leaps, a pirouette or two, and end with a big Black Swanesque demise, all bloodshot eyes, black eye shadow, and an Oscar nomination waiting in the wings.
black swan

AndI don’t have a Valentine today so I figured I should lavish all this attention on someone. While simultaneously work on my web skills. It’s called multitasking!

Lucky you.

We’ve got a few problems.

I’m just gonna hit ’em hard and fast. I’ve been dicking around with this for weeks and here’s the result of those weeks.

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THEN

Anime was consumed via DVD, bootlegs, fansubs, and broadcast. Which meant turnaround times were extremely lengthy and the show wouldn’t hit the states until it’d already finished its season in Japan.

But the fantasy then was, If only we could get the shows right after they aired and turn them around as quickly as possible!

So unless you were really connected with a hardcore otaku who had connects overseas, you were pretty much at the mercy of the companies and the calendar as to when you got your anime.

The times they are a-changin'

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YEAH, SO?

Fans are getting the shows so fast, a mediocre anime can already have thousands of admirers almost instantaneously.

Ghost Stories was a show no one had ever heard of. Now? They’d even know the ratings Ghost Stories got when it aired.

The fans that disagreed with the fosterizing of Ghost Stories did so on principle, nothing else. And a lot of that was overblown posing. But now, there’d be—not a lot but still—a number of fans who’ve already fallen in love with the show, so you’d be taking one of their sacred cows and going all Babylon with it. And if they like it, they really like it. Talk about it in chat rooms, on message boards, Reddit, start Facebook fan pages, you name it. It’s going to be extremely difficult to get the “Sure, let’s see what you do with it” buy-in we had 16 years ago.

 

 

NOW

Streaming has changed the entire game. If everything’s set up and goes right, a fan could be able to watched a dub version of a show just days after the sub version hit.

They all have their own methodologies and idiosyncrasies, but Hulu, Crunchyroll, and Funimation can be notoriously quick, with Netflix being the outlier for taking longer. But business-wise, things are still a little dicey and because no one releases figures, it’s hard to know why but a lot of times Hulu won’t even dub the second season of a show. And there’s so much content, there are a lot of shows that never get a dub.

Put a pin in that, we’ll get to that later.

THEN

Anime was consumed via DVD, bootlegs, fansubs, and broadcast. Which meant turnaround times were extremely lengthy and the show wouldn’t hit the states until it’d already finished its season in Japan.

But the fantasy then was, If only we could get the shows right after they aired and turn them around as quickly as possible!

So unless you were really connected with a hardcore otaku who had connects overseas, you were pretty much at the mercy of the companies and the calendar as to when you got your anime.

That makes me a little nervous.

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HOWEVER

I might have a nifty little runaround for that.

It’s a big fuckin’ swing and it may only work once. But if it works really well, it could be just the first of the many to come, if not a whole new genre of anime.

Put another pin here.

NOW

Streaming has changed the entire game. If everything’s set up and goes right, a fan could be able to watched a dub version of a show just days after the sub version hit.

They all have their own methodologies and idiosyncrasies, but Hulu, Crunchyroll, and Funimation can be notoriously quick, with Netflix being the outlier for taking longer. But business-wise, things are still a little dicey and because no one releases figures, it’s hard to know why but a lot of times Hulu won’t even dub the second season of a show. And there’s so much content, there are a lot of shows that never get a dub.

Put a pin in that, we’ll get to that later.

But what about all that research?

Poor Jesus He looks so nervous

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I know, Jesus I'm concerned as well

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Dude

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There is some serious fucked up shit out there.

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So the guy who was doing the research for me

Nice guy. Supersweet. Superyoung. Supersmart. So: score.

I told him the parameters—slightly aged, middling mediocre show, not very popular, maybe it’s been mentioned before to be fosterized.

And these were the shows he gave me: first of all it’s not that they were popular. It’s that even shitty shows like these have their fans (see earlier comment regarding this).

A Destructive God Sits Next to Me
no potential (and granted these things are subjective, but there was just no there there)
Ange Vierge
lesbian vampires in school (no it’s not as cool as it sounds) SO much fan service (oh shit I’m probably throwing around terms you might not know. Fan service is tittie flash, nudity, slap & tickle: think of lonely old men and twelve-year-olds who, for reasons we won’t even want to explore, don’t find normal porn appealing
BAKUMATSU
Japanese era-centric, historical, problematic
Big Order
Okay…maybe. 45 votes say it’s the worst, 14 say it’s the best. If I was chained in the studio and had to do it I could do it.
Bladedance of the Elementalers
gratuitous nudity. i…can’t…i can’t even…
Evil or Live
lemme just hit the highlights: violence, PTSD, sexual/psychological abuse, and that old favorite, rape
Ex-Arm
it’d take too long to explain
Gakuen Handsome
the animation is so bad that even their terrifyingly large and pointy chins cease to be funny two minutes in. I drew this anime.
Gibiate
make it stop
W’z
cool djs! and you think, yeah, i could work with this. then they start dj’ing themselves into other dimensions. HUH???
School Days
now this one’s a treat. I’ve saved the best for last. Set in high school (of course) and this chick likes this dude and there’s the other chick who acts like she doesn’t like him but actually really likes him. I see why this one gets so many desperate pleas to fosterize it. spoilers coming so yes I will ruin this masterpiece for you.
The dude is an asshole, zero redeeming qualities and I mean zero. He tries to “take it slow” with the girl, but he’s just too horny so he fucks another girl, and goes back to her, and then another girl, and boomerangs again and again and during one of these off-agains, he hooks up with the chick who hated/liked him. Well first chick gets pregnant. Yes, they go there. She is depressed, shunned at school, the works. Meanwhile other chick and loverboy aren’t having a good go of it because other chick is pregnant. 
They decide to give it a go but he’s still an incredible asshole. He wonders if she’s even pregnant. Which upsets her so SHE KILLS HIM.
Then other chick wants to meet her. Turns out she’s a psycho and she lures pregnant girl up to a rooftop under false pretenses and I can’t believe I’m typing this but then proceeds to kill the girl and stab her in the stomach to extract the baby but SURPRISE! she wasn’t pregnant after all, she’s a psycho too. Murder girl then somehow winds up on a yacht (no explaination) and she’s cooing with what we assume is her new lover. But she says asshole’s name and we’re confused. Confused, that is until the camera pulls back and she’s cradling his severed head on the boat. This show is so wrong in every way. Let me just throw this in for your edification:
On the day before the airing of the final episode of School Days in Japan, a 16 year old girl killed her father with an axe in Kyoto. Due to an extremely similar scene present in the episode and to avoid relation to the axe murder, TV Kanagawa replaced it with a half hour of unrelated scenery with “Air on a G String” playing in the background. Among the shock and rage expressed among fans, a 4chan user commented “Nice Boat”, referring to the Norwegian ferry shown in the replacement footage.
So if you ever hear the meme “Nice Boat” you’ll know what it’s referrring to. 
So…did they do the Norweigan ship footage as some kind of homage to the boat in the anime where crazy girl is giving (or getting) head?
Hahaha. Those wacky Japanese.
 
I’m going to shoot myself.

And now a word from our sponsor and by sponsor I mean the guy from AA who's going to be very, very disapointed in me tonight.

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